Thursday, October 8, 2015

The Implausible Check List Spring 2016

Posit (v) : to suggest (something, such as an idea or theory) especially in order to start a discussion

After seeing as many shows as I could bear this season, it came upon that it is possible that there was an “Implausible Check List” that was circulated in New York, London, Milan and Paris ... it was let’s say “posited” by the design gods as a set of guidelines for the Spring season. It became obvious to me that many many designers took this as a mandate rather than a set of suggestions. It might have read like the below…..
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Memo to ALL designers for Spring 2016:The Implausible Check List

*Make sure all clothes look sloppy and droopy and look as cheap as possible

*All collections should have mesh, netting and souffl√© as well as see thru tops, in fact, don’t line anything

*To ensure that clothes are more unattractive, please use below the knee lengths with flat shoes or trainers or just plain ugly  shoes

*Use prepubescent models and make sure some are of questionable gender, then add matronly silhouettes and eyeglasses

*When doing a presentation, please make sure the theatrics overshadow the clothes so that the audience is distracted from the eyesore you call a collection

*Please style all models to look as unattractive as possible

*Bare midriffs should be used freely so no one can possibly wear them once they reach the age of 35

*When you copy another designer’s clothes make believe it is the first time it has ever been done

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click image to enlarge

*Please make sure that your clothes serve no purpose other than for runway and editorial

*If you are known for making ball gowns then by all means use an athletic wear reference and do day clothes

*Please make sure your press release is sufficiently arcane as if to justify bad design and incongruous to show off your supposed deep thoughts

*Feel  free to use floating panels everywhere and any gimmick you can find to jazz up the poorly designed clothes or just make them as nondescript as possible

*For those who design for heritage brands... please make sure you decimate any hint of the original DNA ... just make it look like yours

*Please make sure that your vision offers no clue that you ever graduated from any kind of design school and masks any talent you may have

*Please adhere to the “me too” rule as well as the beating of the dead horse syndrome

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click image to enlarge
*Outlandish and absurd does not pass for good design or good fashion even if you think it does

*Get a dictionary and look up relevant and accessible,  then know your price points and who can actually afford your clothes … demographic… also look that up

*Be aware that hype, false praise and maybe paid for praise does not sell clothes nor does your front row of so called celebrities

*Oh yeah then there’s this  ... the fashion business is about selling clothes which means many of you are behind the 8 ball

*Lastly, get your resume together because sooner than later your party is over!

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