Rachel Zoe pre-fall 2014

WORD!! Listen Rachel, it  has come to my attention that you just presented another collection … well a new group of supposedly seasonal clothes that represent the newest season .. Pre-Fall 2014. Now, here’s the rub doll… WTF are you thinking?

 

Everybody knows that eventually you would lose a lot of traction if you stuck to your guns and kept producing Zoebot clothes and alas, your future has been cast. When the critics, including myself, dismiss you as tired and hackneyed, well honey, it is time to either find someone new to reference or get yourself a new designer or really .. Just get out of Dodge!

 

Facts are facts and the biggest factor here is that no one needs these yawn worthy clothes and am guessing no one wants them either. If the past is proof, then the future is looking grim unless you call telemarketing your lifelong goal. This all brings to mind that one’s 15 minutes is almost expired and has probably lasted 15 minutes longer than it should have. It’ s ok doll, stay home, make babies., pray you don’t trip over your pants or fall off your passé platforms and keep playing dress up with  your clients but the is part of the fashion  business will be no less without you.

 

It is an inexcusable offense these days to open a collection with an almost identical replica of a Chanel jacket and think it is okay. Even more reprehensible, is believing that this is part of “your look!” No…. it is part of Chanel’s look, not yours and those full legged puddling pants are over no matter what anyone tells you… they remind me of the 70s when everyone’s pants were shredded at the heel from being caught under the heels of their shoes. Enough with the peasant blouses, low slung pants, jumsuits and the second skin leggings, this is old or very Kardashian or very Mob Wives. There’s not an original thought in the lot! Jeez.. forgot to mention jumpers and don't mean sweaters or those willing to commit suicide...

So, missy, one might be wise and finish this part of your so called fashion life and close up shop and move on to Kohl’s and target, if they would have you, or face the ultimate disgrace of having ALL your remaining accounts dump your sorry ass collection rather than mark is down one last time.

Zoe..Krakoff..Schouler resort 2014

Dear group,

I will address each of you at some point separately but there are a few generalities that can be shared amongst yourselves like WTF are you thinking with these collections?  I, for one, really don’t have enough imagination to even think of what’s on your collective minds.

First let’s tackle the Rache!  I finally had an epiphany about this so called collection and that was... it should be hanging next to Jessica Simpson in whatever department that may be and in whatever store would have it.  The RZ collection is hardly worthy of anything that even remotely approaches a designer department.  I am done on that; there aint nothing worth wasting my breath on here.

Now, Reed baby, I know you are trying desperately hard to build yourself into a designer brand and distance yourself from Coach beginnings but hell, WTF are you thinking here?  The collection looks like it was designed by Jenna Lyons for Jenna Lyons, slumped shoulders and all.  I know you want everyone to think about all the luxe techniques and materials except there is this one overriding issue that needs to be addressed... the clothes are butt ugly!

Now the boys of the moment, Proenza Schouler, what’s with you two?  Every season you change your design ethic and direction.  Every season you can’t decide which other designer you want to “inspire” you... what’s with that? Your clients are in love with you not your product as there is really nothing distinctive about your product no matter what he CFDA may think.  You guys have no DNA, no look, no signature...you have a name.  I wonder how long AR will put up with this before he throws your collective asses out the door and hires a designer(s) whose clothes sell …just using your name which I would be willing to bet he owns!

So, kids, sorry to be so brutal about it but c’mon … think about what you are doing and the way you are expressing yourselves.  There needs to be some integrity which all of you seem to be void of but … really now.  And no, I really don’t want to even have a coffee with any of you until something is resolved here.

Until then... I remain

Me

Rachel Zoe New York Collections fall 2013

Dear Rachel,

I just saw your show and I really want to ask you “who do you think wants to wear what you wear and why would anyone want to look like they are wearing clothes that come from Kohls and possibly K Mart?  You stand there at the end of the show grinning in your ratty fur coat which  still might have a bullet hole and in your puddling bell bottoms and thinking you are and look fabulous … fraid not dolly!

I just figured out why your collection keeps being dropped by stores and that is because there is no reason to buy looks like these from you.  This is a just a pile of clothes accessorized with a hat that belongs on teenagers and not women who raise them.  Rarely, over the course of my career have I been able to spot and sniff cheap leather from a distance  but thank you for this,  being the first and I hope the only time that ever happens.

Really, Rachel Darling, you are not doing yourself any favors attaching your name to this stuff and I am pretty sure that your clients are not exactly lining up to wear this either as your hourly wage would afford them a full season’s wardrobe of this .  I always go back to the same premise DEAR... and that is... just because you stand in a garage, you cannot become a car!  If that isn’t clear enough then here it is plain and simple... just because you are around designer clothes as part of your job that does not qualify you to be a designer of record, which of course you aren’t as there is a team devoted to that chore, bless their souls.

I

n essence, I hope you are ready for the big box stores as your clients as water does seek its own level... kiss kiss and ciao!

Love,

Me

Rachel Zoe ... pre-fall 2013

Apparently, this might be the last season that Rachel Zoe shows a collection for most of her major accounts have abandoned ship….. Shocking as that might be!  This pre-fall should serve as yet another reminder that the only thing offered here is just another pile of clothes from someone who has no clue about the pulse of the retail environment let alone her own.

Apart from black, Ms. Zoe is woefully short on a palette as well as any particular look other than clothed.  Who dresses like this and why would anyone dress like this?  Save maybe 2 or 3 pieces, I am not sure how any store could go about buying this which brings us back to her lack of retail outlets after Neimans has left the building and Saks and relegated it to only online which means either HELLO Kohl’s or some home shopping channel with her trying to fill an hour with her self absorbed chit chat.

The bottom line is like when there is a train and wreck and the cops direct you to “move along, nothing to see here” and so you have the synopsis of the season here chez Zoe.  A hat and a pair of boots do not make a look nor does some faded reality star that has about 30 second left of 15 minutes.

With all the wonderful talent out there, it does give one great pause to think “what were you thinking?” when you take this cartoon character and try to make her a designer brand.  She is a glorified saleslady who had a magic wand waved over her and failed to become the next Donna Karan! 

Not so sadly one is reminded that you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear!.... P.S. this is as good as it got!

Rachel Zoe Spring 2013 New York Collections

How disturbing and eerie  is it that a “designer” would hire “girls” who look  like her then style them to reinforce the idea and then present another pile of clothes that have absolutely no originality and no personality other than said designer ! Whoooooooooooooooooo.

That being said, let’s talk Rachel Zoe Spring 2013 and its lack of distinction and judging by the rumors floating about, soon to be sold at Kohls and JC Penny due to poor retail sell throughs.  It is at this time that I am compelled to remind everyone that if clothes don’t sell at retail they are worthless as their lifespan is shortened by each season of poor sales.

Let’s go back to the totally bizarre styling for the show that presents multiple versions of Ms. Zoe, as if that was a paragon of good taste or beauty.  I guess one needs a distraction from the clothes when there is nothing to discuss about the clothes due to their generic nature and tired retro design which can wear thin season after season.

My take is that everyone thought they could cash in on the television aspect of her and found out that, at top tier prices, she doesn’t have the audience they thought... Sealing the deal for a hasty departure and subjugated to the lower portion of the retail totem pole.

Have a look and see if you don’t agree
http://www.examiner.com/article/international-style-nyfw-rachel-zoe-spring-2013