St John Resort 2014

Dear Greg,

You know I had been a great fan and supporter of George Sharp during his tenure at St John and then when he left, Greg Myler took over the reins just trashed what George did… shame on you after all it would have been so easy to build on George’s legacy!  I know that every new design regime wants to put their imprimatur on a brand but hell, if you have a great base why not build on it and capitalize on it?

Long story short, and probably a bit too long, it took a few years and you guys to finally find your footing again and so this season YAY... you are back … hopefully to stay!

You know some readers/bloggers/critics have no idea what a HUGE force you were in the fashion business for years nor do they know that you were the number one resource at Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman’s and Nordstrom’s.  Well, that ship has long since sailed BUT there is hope and a need for a resource such as the newly imagined St John of the 21^st century.

I really would like to extend my congratulations to you and the design team for delivering a beautiful collection that is fashion worthy and savvy as well as wearable, trend driven and to a great degree universal in appeal.  Now, don’t get me wrong and think that I believe this collection can be compared to a Dior or Oscar or Armani but hell, this collection can SELL.  I know it is very unfashionable to discuss sales or salability but you know, you guys might just strike gold here.  It is conceivable that you will win back some clients and even create some new ones but you gotta keep doing what you’re doing and keep your eye on the ball, all of that said, don’t change your design outlook for Spring and go over the top trendoid or underwhelmingly boring… EVOLVE!

You struck the vein that screams wearable and yet has a certain degree of chic and it is this train of thought that George Sharp brought to the collection and now finally you have tapped back in to it.  I am proud to review a collection like this that is merchant oriented as well as consumer oriented and not wildly concerned about “WALI”.. Euphemistically speaking: Will Anna Like It? 

Who cares, money is power and editorials don’t ring cash registers so who’s a winner now?

P.S… you really gotta get the pant lengths straightened out ..some not long enough and  some too long AND get a model that is more humanly proportioned

Tory Burch resort 2014

Dearest Tor,

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you but I just haven’t had a minute to breathe... busy …busy ….busy!!  Okay, so I want to tell you my thoughts on the resort collection which I must tell you has just baffled me. I am just torn between thinking you are the wasp version of Miuccia meets Rachel Zoe or that you might honestly think these clothes are fabulous and that you are some wunderkind of design.  I am here to tell you doll, they are NOT fabulous on any level and shouldn’t or won’t be confused as being such and sadly, you aint no wunderkind except maybe of marketing , bit I think Chris had more of a hand in that than you.

Now listen, as your BFF, I know you wanted to pay homage to Mom when you started this business and I know the business has become wildly successful, heaven knows why, but WTF are you thinking with this mess of a collection?  I understand that you wanted to show your stuff and build a brand but, girlfriend, who wants to look like they dressed in a dark unorganized closet with a hat or accidentally found some Auntie Topsy’s  hand me downs hiding in the back your closet?  Think about it Tor… even you don’t look good in these clothes so how and why should anyone else?  Oh, and by the way could you please stand up straight when you have your photo taken and try not point your feet towards each other … very uncool!

Please, I beg you, stop already with these Chanel type jackets and these odd ball prints which compound the fashion felonies by being coupled with each other in odd ways that can certainly not be construed as flattering or even pretty.  Girlina, you just need to figure out who you are and get t with the program.  You started with such fantastic jewelry at the beginning now it all looks like thrift store finds reproduced at astronomical prices to be worn in the most absurd ways.  The shorthand on this is … get it together there Tor!

Now, honeybee, you know I love you and I wish you all the success in the world after having raised a small army of kids while toughing it out at the Pierre, but I beg of you...please straighten out your point of view and stop clothing throngs of unsuspecting women in these eyesores that they think are fashionable!  Be reasonable, go back to Mom’s closet and dig deeper as I am sure she had more than a few seasons worth of looks …. Pretty please!! That’s my girl.

 So listen Tor, I know you are jammed up with all the store openings and products launches and appearances and lawsuits but we simply must take a coffee some time very soon..... I am just desole  that we haven’t chatted face to face in so long … kiss kiss . Ciao my sweet... looking forward to some girl talk with you

Love

Me

Gucci resort 2014

Frida Carissima

Just saw the collection and I wanted to ask you “sei fidanzata pazza?” WTF are you thinking here?  Now you know better and yes, I know it is Resort and clearly you have zeroed in on the real essence of resort but ....really, you went a little overboard on slouchy and relaxed and maybe have arrived at over sized and.... well.. not very attractive!

The other thing  that struck me is .... are you on meds or do your meds need to be adjusted?  It seems that every season you are looking to a new customer and please listen to your “real” friend here ... dump the platforms already, it is done, over, finito.  So now I need to broach the the subject of the PANTS!  Do you really think that your ladies want to look like  a “Zoe-bot?” (thank you MK of LA)  I understand what a lot of break in the pant means and can do for one’s stature but that doesn’t mean they have to puddle around your feet!!  I know you know better than this... but I do love the full pant!

Moving right along... Now Frida carissima, I know you were thinking Rio and beaches and travel but what’s with the retro 40’s/50’s prints.. the umbrellas,  the hideous paisley and the retro stripes and  shapes.  It is like you paid homage to Zoran and so many others with shapes of the 70’s and 80’s and not in a good way.  I don’t want you to think I didn't like it ..I actually liked some of it a lot but there really wasn’t anything that was so amazing or outstanding about it.  Your ruffle collection was so beautiful and now this ..meh!

In the end, I can only say that the collection was okay and certainly not memorable other than I am sure the price tags.  Maybe Rachel will want some new looks and I hope she is just a seasonal friend as this won’t cut it for more than a season.. if that!

Ciao bella and lets do a bottle of Pinot very soon, we are long overdue.. baci baci  ... arrivederci... 

LOVE from ME!

P.S. next time you need to remember the name of the collection is GUCCI ..not FRIDA!! Tacky .... and I

really hope the collection was not a reference to The Great Gatsby..feh!

Burberry Prorsum Resort 2014

RESORT 2014

Christopher…. Okay then, if you insist...Chris…

Just wanted to drop you a note about the latest collection; I know this will come as a great shock to you but I liked it.  This, you know, sounds like a ringing endorsement or a rave review when you consider I never quite understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to your collections.

Since I know you are breathlessly waiting for my comments... by the way, rightfully so if I do say so myself... but I digress, the collection as a collection is really all about pieces despite a possible theme or cohesiveness.  The colors were quite divine and you may have even succeeded in having me like all the shades of green you used from pale to moss.  Even though you seemed to get a little carried away with all that lace and Moorish see through and translucency, there were some beautiful pieces.  Even that mossy green lace dress caught my eye... but them again one can only imagine the staggering price tag.

Anyway, Chris, I just loved those encrusted and embellished skirts, less crazy about the generic pieces you tossed in, sorry you felt compelled to use the Prada-esque/Lanvin-esque big stone embellishments but KUDOS to you on that new take of the elbow patch sweater  … well, no matter however  impractical.   I suppose my biggest shock was that you actually produced a crop of beautiful dresses which didn’t seem to be forced.

The bottom line Chris is that you did good! So happy I decided to attend at the last minute. Usually I get fidgety watching all that stuff parade down the catwalk, all the time really disliking it or more to the point hating it and finding it all so incomprehensible… well except for the outerwear.

So chap, let’s do a fish and chips din real soon like the old days or maybe a tea at the Connaught... tata... cheerio... see ya soon

Me...

P.S.  next time lose that pale pink ratty jacket.. so not pretty!

Oscar de la Renta resort 2014

Dear Oscar,  

Great idea to do a series of presentations rather than a full balls out show.  It’s always a pleasure to be able to really see what is coming down the runway and I really liked it.  Kudos to you Oscar, as you always manage to show collections that are true to the brand’s DNA and yet the brand has evolved in such a wonderful “lesson to be learned” sort of way.  Too bad some of the young designers can’t see that you and Alex have truly grown Oscar de la Renta in the most admirable way.

So Oscar, the clothes were really beautiful with plenty to covet.  I wish resort collections harkened back to the days of the 80s and before when there were dressy clothes, real resort clothes as well as those city clothes that one might have bought early and held til Spring.  Anyway O, loved the Balenciaga and retro-ish influences which you do so well and the colors are a welcomed sight after the all that black and grey of fall from everyone. Loved... just loved, that citron and cobalt gown!!  I just adore that you and your team are able to capture all the female types like gamines, women of high chic, coquettes, the demure ones and even the ladies who lunch that built you into the power house that you have become. .. And before I forget... none of it looks tired or retread!!

But listen, O, I need to tell you ... and I say this with all good intention and not as a negative, but those tea length pieces are a bit meh and the length makes the pieces look matronly, whoever styles the girls, well, fire that person, the model looked a bit dishabille rather than the polished carefully maintained type that you have cultivated over the years.  The prints, well we know they can be a bit personal and tricky, but that one red prince des galles with the red floral over lay... well, it looked... how shall I say this... very main floor!

All is all, thanks for being a bright light and for sticking to your guns...love you...maybe lunch with you and Annette in Connecticut... we can swap gardening secrets.. Adios...Bientot and wonderful to see you! Kiss Kiss and ole!

J.

Christian Dior ..Resort 2014... letter to Raf

DEAR RAF,

I just had a look at resort and I am so confused as to what I saw after having the memory of your Fall show still fresh in my head.  At the risk of sounding harsh …  WTF happened here?  This collection is perplexing as far as I can tell.  I am sure your “girls’ will just coo and ooze over it with all sort of esoteric and arcane quotes from you as if that will help explain what was shown.

Now, Raf, I don’t want you to think that I didn’t like it because there were certain parts/pieces of it that were just exquisite and PURE 100% Dior for the 21^st century but on the flipside … what were you thinking with those steel wool knitted briefs and bras as underpinnings and the appliques which certainly were not as perfectly executed as one might have hoped.

Raf, you so nailed it with the color blocked styles and asymmetric draping and of course the gorgeous tailored Dior signature pieces but again WTF were you thinking with all this see through crap and please don’t say beach cover ups, what happened to the profusion of gorgeous dresses from Fall, where was the extreme polish and why do you feel the need to shock and jolt when you have already established your imprimatur on the brand???

Now kiddo, the astrakhan in magenta was just so fabulous and I just was crazy about the excruciatingly feather like appearance of some atelier quality pieces but you gotta get with it and stop trying to reinvent the wheel here.  This is Dior and you can breathe new life into it but really now, take a chill pill and get over all this nonsense with shock value and blah blah blah.  You can do it if you really want to and you can deliver season and after season of flawless collections but you gotta get a grip on the reality of the business and the fact that the label reads Dior not Raf Simons.

So listen doll, I hope you know I really love you and only say these things in the most constructive and loving way.  Hold on to that thought and let’s do din next week after the flush of the new collection is done and all the reviews have been filed.  Looking forward to seeing you all relaxed and don’t be mad if not everyone is in love with this collection...okay?? Love you...Bientot!!  Je t’adore!!

Moi

P.S. ..Raf honey.. Your ladies are not wearing bare midriff tops and transparent shifts not matter how expensive they are so find another way to try to skew the collection young… tu comprends??

Versus Versace resort 2013/14 by Donatella Versace & J.W. Anderson

There reaches a time when being polite flies out the window.  There comes a time when beating around the bush and finessing words is no longer acceptable.  With all this being said, the topic of conversation is Versus Versace by the she demon herself Donatella and its latest victim designer J.W. Anderson; rather than throw boulders not stones, lets add a dose of comedy to soften the blow.

Dear Dona and JW,

I must tell you I am just slack jawed that you showed that stuff today and that you can take it seriously.  Now listen doll, you can chat it up all you and think that this is wearable let alone salable but honey c’mon, H&M would want this for free.  WTF were the two of you thinking?

JW, I am not so familiar with your work but if this is any indication, I have to say you have a great future in carnival costumes as not even a self-respecting drag queen would caught be dead in these rags and get-ups.  I read that La Signora coaxed you into doing sexier clothes…. Well ... how shall I say this … F A I L!  I hope this paid well cause it aint gonna do squat for your design chops and reputation.  I know Donadiablo told you not to worry because it is Versace but... how shall I say this delicately ... SHE LIED! And poor Gianni spun himself 6 feet deeper.

Let me take this to a whole new level... this crap is appalling and insulting and to think you guys can make it better with that blah blah blah stuff .. Me thinks it is time for a career change to maybe a fiction writer or possibly the 2 of you need to up the meds to their limits as you are both suffering from some serious delusions.

One last thing, ragazzo, who the hell dresses like this and where are you going to wear it?  I hope you understand I said this all with love and hope that you will take this as the most constructive of criticism as I would never say anything to hurt your collective feelings.  On this most positive of notes...kiss kiss ciao ciao  kiddies... dinner next week I hope  … see you soon...try try again…….

Love

Me

P.S. Dona carrissime .. quit beating the horse ..it is dead!